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Rachel in Real Life

Rachel's House of Dreams (For now)

This is post #250 on this little, often rather neglected, blog of mine. It is also probably the last time I will post on this blog. I have been working the past few nights to create a new blog platform for myself through Wix. It's not ready quite yet but hopefully will be up and running by early next week. I am not so tech savvy myself, so I really like that I can easily customize my new site without any coding knowledge at all (no this is not a plug for Wix). Also, I know you can do all that stuff on Blogger as well, but Wix is much easier, cleaner and produces a better product overall in my opinion. Someday Tony will be a pro at HTML and he can design a site just for me. I have already put in my order.

So for #250 I've been stewing for a few days on what to say about it all. Actually I'm stewing more about what is all even is, because to be completely honest I am not entirely sure. I have nothing terribly meaningful or earth shattering to say. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. I will say, however, that I am feeling so great about life in general right now. Yes, I am having a little bit of a rough time with some pregnancy hormones at the moment, but remembering that at the other side of this rough patch will come a baby girl helps me feel better soon every time I feel a little blue.

I suppose the major impetus for the relocation/redesign of my blog is that I feel like our family is starting yet another new chapter of our lives. Tony recently started a new school program and changed his major, which we both agree is a positive step towards achieving our family goals sooner and will help make life more financially manageable for the next several years. We have been in DC almost a year now and I am really starting to feel like this is home. Liam recently turned one and is fast becoming more of a little person rather than a baby every day. Baby number two is approximately 15 weeks away from joining our family, and we absolutely cannot wait to meet her! Oh and . . .


We have a house. We are (mostly) moved in and settling in nicely. Liam has adjusted to all the space like a pro and he sure does love crawling up those steps. Now we just need to master the down the steps part.

Can I just say that again:

WE HAVE A HOUSE!

I have dreamed to live in my own house for so long. Apartment living really is not meant for me. I still get happy jitters when I remember I get to drive to my home! Here's a sneak preview:

But isn't she beautiful?

She's a 1950's girl and you can definitely tell by her salmon pink bathroom tiles (and fixtures to boot!), green carpeting, black and white kitchen tiles and split levelness. I mean who needs four such little tiny floors? But Liam does love those stairs so I guess it's not too bad. We have a deck! And a yard! It's on a dead end street. Oh and get this, there is a national park right on the other side of the street from us. I cannot wait to get everything unpacked and ready to invite some friends over to our new place!

We are here for the next two and a half years.

I thought for my last post on my old blog (and my first post in my new house) I would set some expectations/goals/new dreams for myself to live up to in the years to come. With a little luck and some hard work, I hope I can look back on these goals some day and feel proud of how far our little family has come. Sure, I won't get all of these (probably not even most of them), and there are many things I am sure are in store for me that I have not even thought to include in my list yet. And I look forward to experiencing it all as it comes (no rush of course as I am in the process of learning to love life as it is at this very moment).

 Some of these I expect will take a lifetime. Some may never happen, but what is life really if you aren't working towards something?

So in honor of this new chapter in the Torres' family's continuing journey may I present to you:

Rachel's List of Buckets to Fill:
Before we leave this house I hope to ...

• Get Tony through school
• Secure Tony a job
• Save up enough money for a dream house that actually belongs to us
• Pay off a significant portion of our debts
• Have two happy, healthy children
• Get at least a raise or two at work
• Institute a yearly family vacation
• Take advantage of the wonderful city we now live in and not just near (including the park, zoo, etc. that are just minutes from my home)
• Finally take some time to really use that piano we brought with us
• Keep my house in the clean, orderly state my children and husband deserve to live in (this is harder than it sounds for me)
• Read, study and learn at least some of the things I have been trying to find the time to get around to
• Enjoy it all a little more!

Someday, sometime, somewhere . . . maybe

• Get to be a stay at home mama
• homeschool my children for K - 2nd grade (Tony and I are still negotiating this one)
• Go to culinary school
• Visit all 7 (Yes, including Antarctica) continents
• Live debt free (Dare to dream, huh?!)
• Go on a Church mission with my husband
• Be on Jeopardy!
• Get through the children's names we have picked out so far (i.e. have more children)
• Finally own a second car
• Buy our dream house!
• Own a farm/land (even a small amount will suffice)
• Sing in public by myself (this has been one of my goals for years and I don't really know if it will ever happen but I would love to some day have the courage to do it)
• Be able to do what I want if I do work, not what I have to do to make money
• Get my teaching license 
• Be on the board of a non profit (or a school board perhaps)
• Travel, travel and travel (honestly there are few places that I do NOT want to go and most of those I would go to if it was actually safe)

I have been a little stressed with the change/expense of moving and settling into this new chapter of our lives. I know that adding another baby while wonderful and joyous, will certainly not make life easier by any stretch of the imagination. However, I am so excited for it all right now! We cannot wait to meet you baby girl!

Amazing in a Wonderfully Ordinary Kind of Way

A friend from work let me borrow her copies of the Anne of Green Gables (AOGG) movies the other day. There are three of them in case you didn't know. The first one is lovely. It is definitely an accurate adaptation of the book on which it is based. The second one is ok, but oh the third one. The third one was so disappointing my heart hurts a little when I think about it.

AOGG was one of my favorite books growing up, and when I was in college I finally got around to reading most of the rest of the series (I think there are still two or three I haven't read). The books really are beautiful.

Part of what is so wonderful about the books is how interesting, funny, heartbreaking, inspiring, page-turning etc. etc. they are while still being so normal. Sometimes I actually forget that the books are not real. In my mind I equate Anne's story with that of Laura Ingalls Wilder (who is real). When I remember than Anne is in fact fiction, I actually get a little sad about it.  Everything that happens to her is completely plausible. I think part of the reason I wish she was real so much, is because she really could be. Everything about the books seems familiar, possible and even ordinary (in the best kind of way). For example:

• Being slightly insecure and sensitive about an aspect of her appearance (red hair in her case)
• Doing something silly to try and fix said "problem" (dying her hair black . . .  but really green)
• Being mortified by things that are in the scheme of things really small (the green hair, being called carrots, falling off the roof, etc.)

These are real emotions that all of us feel. Each of the books I have read documents Anne's very real struggles and triumphs. Her very real emotions are evident in how she handles each situation, and the characters she interacts with are also refreshingly ordinary.

Anne was perfect the way she was!

But apparently that was not interesting enough for the third movie in the Anne installment. Real life situations that a young Canadian woman might find herself in are substituted for action, adventure, danger, love triangles (kind of), and all sorts of ineptly strung together scenarios that would mostly likely have Lucy Maud doing barrel rolls in her grave. Here is a brief overview of the happenings of the third movie:

• Anne and Gil go to New York to work (unmarried . . . which was a little weird for their time/upbringing)
• Anne's novel manuscript is stolen by a famous American author
• Gil enlists as a doctor to go to the front during WWI
• Anne and Gil FINALLY get married (at least 10 years later in the movies than the books I think)
• Anne travels to France and then goes searching for MIA Gil through war torn Europe and almost gets herself killed several times
• Anne so happens to run into afore mentioned American author who has a child with his French mistress, Author gets lost, mother is killed, and now Anne has a baby to take care of. She can't find Gil but remarkably finds Diana's husband.
• Anne, baby and Diana's husband go live in American author's London apartment. There were many weird coupleish scenes between the two even though they were both married. (Yes, I know this isn't really a big deal in media these days but it definitely is unusual for the tone/feel of the AOGG books)
• American author turns out to be a spy. People think Anne is involved in his spy activities. American author professes his love for Anne and says they can be together when they return from the war.
• Anne dresses as a nun to sneak American author's baby our of London before evil spies come after him.
• Anne finally finds Gil.
• American author is killed by enemy spies on the train before they are able to return safely to North America. 
• Anne and Gil end up with baby and decide to raise baby as their own.

Here is a good synopsis that explains everything that is wrong with the basic structure better than I can (and saves me time trying to explain too!).

But my real problem with the third movie:

 Why did they have to attempt to turn Anne into some kind of super-female action hero that she is not?

WHY?

I am not saying that Anne is not capable of great things. She certainly is! Why wasn't being the amazing but ordinary woman she was written as enough?

Anne certainly became the kind of young woman I would want my daughter to be, and her "faults" as a young girl were harmless enough and far outweighed by her many good qualities to make her an excellent role model for anyone. She was more than good enough as she was before her character was basically butchered in the third film. She is:

• Kind-hearted
• Imaginative
• Capable of great love
• A fierce friend
• Loyal
• Selfless (She gives up her scholarship to stay and help Marilla at Green Gables for example)
• A hard worker
• An optimist
• Always striving for self-improvement
• Funny
• Intelligent
• Quick to feel remorse when she makes mistakes or loses her temper
• Willing to apologize (even to the likes of Rachel Lynd) (Of course it did take her a very long time to finally forgive Gilbert for insulting her, so I suppose it took her awhile to learn this one)
• Adventurous 
• Driven to achieve her goals

That list is probably not exhaustive, but you get the idea. She was good enough as she was. 

I was personally infinitely more touched by Anne loss and subsequent struggle to cope with the death of her first born daughter Joyce in Anne's House of Dreams than by any circumstance she found herself in during her traipse across Europe during WWI.

Honestly, I do not think that girls needed (or even wanted) Anne to become another action hero. We have Katniss, Mulan, Arwen (in the movies anyways), Elektra, Bat Girl, Cat Woman, Storm, Jean Grey, Rogue, Kim Possible, Black Widow, Princess Leia, and many more to fill those roles!

I have read a few articles lately about the lack of strong female action heroes in literature. Honestly, believe of me what you will, but this does not concern me at all. Seriously, it is great and all that Katniss Everdeen inspired a generation of girls to learn archery. But in so so many ways Katniss is not a girl you can ever inspire to be. Yes, she is self-sufficient, skilled, brave, protective of her family, strong etc. But would you ever want your daughter to exist in the kind of world that forced Katniss to develop her traits? Would you want her to find herself in the situations where Katniss is forced to use her talents to kill other people? Would you want your daughter to be faced with the choice or hunting or starving? Would you want your daughter to loser her childhood and be forced to care for herself and her family or face certain death? To grow up in a world where the thought of starting her own family fills her with dread?

I certain do not. I would much rather my daughters learned some life lessons from reading about Laura Ingalls,  Sarah Crewe, Mary Lennox, Nancy Drew, the Baby Sitter's Club, Anne Shirley, and Jo March.

Please just let Anne be the amazing, completely normal woman that she is. If becoming a strong, independent, loving woman capable of building a strong marriage and a strong family (while still having the skills necessary to take care of herself) is what my daughter aspires to be some day, I will be proud of her. I am sure Lucy Maud Montgomery was proud of the Anne she created.

I unfortunately cannot say the same of AOGG The Continuing Saga.

New Year

I have been mulling over various blog posts for the past several weeks. I even started a draft of one. For some reason though, I never really got it started. For all the other ideas I never even started writing them (although I did look up a couple articles for one). I couldn't really figure out why I could never seem to motivate myself to type up these rather painstakingly thought out ideas. Then one day as I was driving home it hit me. Somewhere in my mind I suppose I always knew I should not write all the critical and mostly negative blog posts I had been planning. There are plenty of things that I get angry about and if you get me started talking about one of them you may find yourself wishing you could get me to stop!

However, I absolutely do NOT want my blog to become yet another internet sounding board for agitations and complaints about government, politics, journalism, vaccinations, public schools, hospitals,  health care, and so on and so forth. I have Facebook for that! Public debate is of course necessary and has its place, but that place is not my personal blog. There are enough places on the internet already to express ideas, spark conversations and facilitate debate (which oftentimes even on Facebook comments among friends turns nasty really fast). My intention is never to offend someone with views I express on my blog. This is a place for me to express my thoughts, my challenges (and historically speaking how I eventually overcome or am assisted through them), my happiness and reflect on my life. If that has amused, entertained or uplifted someone else in the process then I am happy. I certainly would not feel proud or accomplished if anything I had wrote here made someone feel bad about themselves, their choices, their beliefs, etc. I do not ask to be judged so I certainly have no right to use my blog as a place to issue my judgements upon the opinions and ideas of others.

There is enough negativity in all our lives that really who needs another critic? I sure don't, and it is not worth my time and energy to dwell on them or force others who may read my writings to do the same.

On that note, I am starting off this New Year (a little late I know) with a positive attitude and a desire to recognize the good and beautiful things that are all around me every day. I want to look back at what I wrote about my life in 2014 years from now and remember the wonderful things I experienced and reflect on the precious times I spent with my new little family watching Liam grow and supporting Tony through his schooling.  I do not want to look back and read hateful posts about issues that cause anger in my heart.

I am nearing my 250th post on this blog and I have been looking back through some of my earlier posts, when I was a much more diligent blogger than I am now. Mosts of my posts are filled with fond memories, and I feel joy recalling how much I enjoyed my days in school. I am definitely in favor of finding joy in my life. I can really think of no better way to spend some of my free time writing than to pursue sharing beauty and joy with others. As a matter of fact, seeking the good in life is one of the basic tenants of my religion (Number 13 to be precise):

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul-We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

It is so so so easy to get caught up in the negative, and I absolutely know (see my last post) that I am all too often guilty of this. However, I think devoting a little more time to this blog and recording those sought after things in my life that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" will be a good exercise for me this year. I already know that there are some rather significant challenges and even greater blessings ahead this year, and I look forward to experiencing and sharing them all. I am also excited for the opportunity to look back on what is coming and what has passed some day in the future and seeing how all my little, sometimes rather insignificant, moments culminated in a supremely beautiful life! And for sticking in there through all the above ramblings a few recent pictures:

 More on this tree later!

And in a hat tip to blog traditions of yore I think I need to close with a quote and a music video from none other than one of my very favorite bands (which is also my alarm clock every morning). If you know me well or are an old reader you know what's coming I bet!

And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall,
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

 And because lots of my old video links are broken and it makes me sad to not know what song it was that was particularly meaningful to me at that particular time in my life, the above video is Bowl of Oranges by Bright Eyes (my favorite you know!)

Bring it on 2014, I'm ready for you!