Can't Go Back Now

This weekend was good. It was so good.

It was yet again another one of those weekends where you expect nothing much to happen, and then so much does happen. I end up realizing that life is actually pretty wonderful and I have friends that love me.

Pretty awesome stuff huh?

I would be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes when I'm in Provo I feel a bit cut off. I have no family here. My reliable, wonderful, go-to friends are just as far away as my family. I will also admit that making friends is not always the easiest thing for me to do. I think it's the awkward period where you almost feel like you're inviting yourself to stuff and you're not sure that you're wanted period that gets me. Sometimes I would rather just sit at home alone that subject myself to that.

Anyways, I digress.

On Friday I went to Park City . . . all by my lonesome. I drove through the canyon after finishing work and the day was gorgeous. I'm not much of a driver, but something about driving through the mountains on a sunny day with unusually warm weather for a November was pretty spectacular.

(I took this picture en route to PC, possibly a little dangerous but it was too beautiful outside to resist.)

I drove to PC with the intention of revamping my business clothes wardrobe. I think I did a pretty good job, and would prefer not to admit how much money I spent. I will say I have absolutely no buyers remorse. It felt good to go into store, pick out what I wanted, and just buy it!

I find spending productive alone time rather empowering. My drive back through the canyon that night with a chocolate banana vivanno smootie and some great music playing in the background was just pure happiness.

Then the night took me in a pretty unexpected direction. I went to a birthday party at 8:30 with the intention of staying for an hour, and then going home to get work done. When I finally got home at 2 a.m. that morning I felt even better about life though slightly more exhausted than earlier in the day.

Saturday consisted of early morning homework I had procrastinated. Then 1st row (that's right I said 1st row) tickets to the football game where BYU decimated UNLV. Oh, and I got a free shirt. How cool is that?

Then I ate more sushi than any one girl should ever eat in one sitting. It was delicious!

By this time I was sleep-deprived, full of food, and ready to crash hard. I assumed my weekend fun was over when I headed home with a fuzzy head and heavy eyelids. I promptly passed out after getting home around 6.

And then wouldn't you know it, but the next thing I know I'm hanging up the phone from a conversation I barely remember having. I was out of it asleep at this point so I had to check and make sure I really did get a phone call and that I wasn't just dreaming. It was almost like texting in my sleep all over again! In retrospect, even though I felt like poo when I rolled out of bed and inspected the damage of my early evening nap (crazy crumpled bangs and red lines from the sheets all over my chin and neck), I'm glad I did it. Another fun evening.

Then came a wonderful Sunday with an uplifting church meeting, an impromptu dinner that didn't turn out half bad, a fireside, games, and some completely ridiculous nonsense (which is my very favorite kind).

But don't you love to laugh? I got my fill of it this weekend. It was definitely one of those hey Rachel, your life is really pretty great kind of weekends. Even though I am far away from my family and I have wonderful friends at home, I know some pretty great people out here, too. Next time I'm feeling a little down I will tell myself this.

I love that I've reached the point in my life where a lot of my insecurities are dissipating. I realize that most of them were pretty irrational in the first place. Maybe I'm not the most well liked person around (I'm sure I'm not because sometimes I think I can probably be a complete pain), but I don't need to be that person. Sure, being the outgoing person will never really be my thing, but I certainly shouldn't be afraid of putting myself out there sometimes. Showing up at a party where you don't know very many people can be a really great thing sometimes! Great people are all around us, and I should never shy away from getting out there and getting to know them.

On the flip side, learning to do things on your own is a different kind of wonderful. I really didn't want to go all the way to Park City by myself, but I am sure glad I did. There was something nice about knowing that I was doing something alone because I wanted to--not because I didn't have any other choice. There is a BIG difference between being alone and being lonely, and that is a pretty empowering idea!

I love this song. And I love The Weepies.